Have you ever loved and lost somebody?
For the past years, I was a normal girl contented with life. I have my family, work, friends.. and the love of my life. Everyday when I wake up, I woke up inspired. Despite getting sick a few months back and somewhat depressed, I still find the strength to go on with life because I am happy and contented. I never knew that that happiness will soon be taken away from me.
I never posted anything on my blog about my love life. I guess I wanted to be kind of discreet about it. But yes, I've been with this guy for 3 years and I've never been this happy. For once, I believed that dreams do come true. Because this guy, as cheesy as it may sound, was once a dream I never thought I will ever have the chance to be with. So you could just imagine how happy I am to officially be with him. :) My once happy life became happier. I felt butterflies in my stomach just by seeing him even when we were already together. I am inspired everyday because someone inspires me. Just when I thought I forgot how it felt to be in love, I eventually did. It's a refreshing feeling.
When you know that you have someone to just talk about anything with. Happiness, sadness, ups and downs.. you're both in it TOGETHER. It's like I have a boyfriend and a best friend at the same time.
Someone who makes me smile whenever I feel down. Someone who could easily make me laugh and I can go crazy with. Someone who pisses me off but knows how to make it up to me again. Someone who may not be your typical boyfriend who's really sweet and showy, but sweet enough for me. Someone who's thrifty but doesn't hesitate to spend when it comes to me. Someone who despite how busy he is, will still make time just to be with me. Someone who will lend his shoulders for me to sleep on while on a bus. Someone who will sing to me over the phone, then asks me to sing for him too. Someone who will go to your house whenever you ask him to despite the distance. Someone who's proud to introduce me to his family, friends and work mates. Someone who may not do grand things for me, but rather the smallest things that I learned to appreciate more. Someone who loves and accepts me, flaws and all.
For the first time in my life, I felt what true love is.
Pure bliss. I thought it would never end.
But then, so much for that happy ending.
About more than a month ago.. my once happy heart got broken.
Although it's a cliche to say that people who go through a breakup mostly could not eat nor sleep, I suffered from those. Days when you felt like you were empty. When you felt like your source of happiness is taken away from you, and you couldn't do anything about it. Days when you just lay in bed and stare at nothing. You couldn't sleep and when you eat, you just eat for the sake of putting food into your stomach. Foods became tasteless and not appetizing. Days when you felt like you couldn't force yourself to go to work. I did not expect to go through all of that. Akala ko sa movies lang. I never thought I would be able to stand back up. I was too shattered, too heartbroken to get on with life. I cried until I was empty. I called all of my closest friends and told the story over and over while constantly crying. I felt like I cried more than a bucket full of tears. Its just so hard to let go of a person who has his own flaws and may be different from you in a lot of ways, but you still find amazing. A person who gave you so much things to remember.
I always ask my self, why does this have to happen at the time when I was at the peak of loving a person? Just when I finally felt what true love is. Just when I know I still got so much love to give.
And then one day I woke up and realized, I can't go on forever like that. I have to help my self.
No matter how hard it is, I did. I went to work. I became closer to my work mates. We went out nearly everyday after work. I went out with different set of friends. I went to shop for clothes and fixed my self physically too. And step by step, inch by inch, I started to feel better. Every night I always pray for God to heal my broken heart.
I learned to accept things. I learned to appreciate my self more and the people around me. There are days when I wanted to forget everything and to not feel pain in a snap because it's just too much. But there's really no shortcut to forgetting someone. You have to do it everyday, over and over again.
Some things may never work out the way we wanted, but maybe God has His own purpose. I don't know how long this will take me, but what's important is I am slowly moving forward to find that happiness back. I still don't know what's bound to happen. But whatever it is, life goes on.